这几个月好像发生了很多事，不只是我，我身边的人也一样。。。
看到我朋友有事但我却帮不了他，这种感受并不好受。。。我好像除了担心什么我也做不到，我觉得我好失败。当我有事时他们会不顾一切的帮我，反过来他们有事时我却什么都帮不上忙。这几个星期我的心情非常得不好，做什么都不顺。事业，学业，爱情，亲情都不顺。。。

事业， 那天我真得很伤心。没错那天我真的犯了错，可是只是那十五分钟加上又没客人，你真得不能原谅我吗？有什么是可以直接跟我或我的上司说需要绕了一个圈来shoot 我吗？我一直拼命的做工为了什么，我一想到什么可以让你们公司更进步变更好就立刻跟你们说。一直不计较新水少而回来做，想说做生不如做熟~但我却得到了什么？

学业，我的成绩越来越差了。越来越多人叫我换course，但我没得选择我只好努力一点。我真的觉得好累，很想逃避。final又快到了，这次我真的没把握。。。我到底该怎么办呢？

爱情，要我忘记他真的有点难我也在努力当中。原本说找到另一目标就想要跟那个人表白，但是我发觉到他喜欢上了我的朋友，既然知道不可能不如不要跟他说免得连朋友都做不成。中朋友想要变情侣那一步真的很难踏出去~我很珍惜我和他之间的友谊，不想失去他~我觉他已经婉转的拒绝了我。。。我相信时间能冲淡一切，希望我对他的感情会随着时间满满的过去不要再增加了。。。我真怕我会控制不了自己~他还可以忘记但在另一个地方的他就满难忘记的。虽然说很潇洒的放下了，但是那天去唱k 时有些歌也会让我回想起他~

亲情，我真的有一股冲动想搬出去住。不想呆在这个家了。很容易就起冲突了，有时候真忍的很辛苦~你说要靠到3.5就靠到吗？我都想考到咯~我还想考到4.0。。。可是我做不到啊。。。我能靠谁来教我你们又不懂我能依赖谁？我只能靠自己，有时我还得让别人来依赖~

心情充满了伤心，失望，疲累，压力~
我真的很想放弃。。。。

对于我朋友我必须说声抱歉，我不是一个很好的advisor我只能当一个聆听者，也许我不能帮你们可是你们也是可以找聊天解解闷。。。
我真希望能够帮到你们。。。

难道真的有代替了他吗？
另一个他很热情，但是他对每个人都很热情。
所以我都不知道他到底在想些什么？？
也许我因该放下感情而好好的念书吧~

我发觉到我越来越懒惰，忙无目的的再往前走。
其实我很恨现在的我，为什么我会变成这样？
我到底该怎么做呢？
无奈~

无奈

告诉你，瞒着你
只不过是个决定。
但为何到如今我依然无法前进
不知道为什么会如此莫名紧张你
我越了解你越靠近你越犹豫
明知道我爱你却不敢告诉你
我害怕失去你
宁愿沉默不语
该如何整理
幸福在手里
我恨自己
无能为力
明知道我爱你却不敢靠近你
我假装不在意
反而痛了自己
多痛都可以
不能没有你
只想永远永远爱你
你知不知道我也没关系

12 September

刚刚看完了我很多朋友的部落格, fb我才发现原来我很少跟我的朋友聚在一起。我只是一个很普通的一位过客，让我有点伤心然后问了自己一句话，“我到底有可以谈心的朋友吗？我真的有朋友吗？”突然间发掘到自己很孤单很寂寞。。。我为了我的工作放弃了我的朋友，值得吗？当我的空时他们没空，我很忙的时候他们偏偏又来找我。。。所以我一直把我的时间都派到满满的活动，只是为了不要让我自己太得空然就会觉得空虚跟寂寞。。。这个感觉真得很恐怖的。。。。
我不要，
我不要，
我不要，
我不要这种感觉出现。。。。。
但是没办法，它始终没办法离开。。。
无奈~~~~

This 3 months i finally made a decision, i choosing leaving...Although is a lot of "bu she de" but oso need to make this type of decision. Still remember that day, last time participate in the roll call, singing the gb song, singing the worship song n playing the games, all for the last time. After the meeting, i was chatting with captain finally can't control my tars from falling down, i cry out at the foyer and tell captain that i wanted resign, so sad....

That i went there to visit them and celebrate his birthday, that really happy although din sleep for whole night but still happy. That day me n yoong went there by 4 and v planned ti giv a surprise to him. When he still bathing v had already reached and hide inside the room then when all was ready then v go out and sing a birthday song to him... That night v go outside eat then go to the fun fair then go yum cha and playing games at their hse... I think the happiest moment at that day is when he fetch me to the mamak stall...

review from my 1st semester at tarc

Still remember that the first day i reached here. Alone, no friends and walking around finding my class. That first day manage to knew some new friend, yw and pl(both oso from out station). The 1st week was very free only 1 lecture class a day.
When reached the second week, started having tutorial class. Still remember that day after 2 tutorial class my group still haven't select a class reps. Until at the ia tutorial the tutor help us to select a class reps.... My class reps is a quite nice guy named cl... I oso been choosen as the assistant class reps...(but say honestly, i ntg to do coz the class reps will do all...haha...)The following starting become very busy,full with the assignment, tutorial question(but always din do de...)and need to work.That two months really kills me. working non-stop, everyday after my class straight a way go to work then the next day study and work. Beside that i oso got go learn guitar, finally can fulfill my dreams already, can learn a musical instrument.

After that i realise that after being in college i learn a lot of things that i never learn before, guitar and contemporary dance. Although it is hard and tired but i feel very happy. When rushing the assignment i really fed up with my groupmates, almost all thing i finish it(except both of my friends la). At the nught before v need to pass up i really cry out in my house, all oso haven't finish u noe very scary de and i'm very tried de....
now only left my dance competition and lastly my final exam... My final exam starts at 25 aug and ended at 4 sept. Hopefully after that i can hang out with my friends coz long time din c them jor......

am i changing?

my new life finally starts...
2day is my 1st day of my lecture class, so far so good no special feeling. But got something tht i still havent accustomed to it. When ever i go to my college, i need to take three types of public transport starline, putra lrt and bus... everytime doing the same thing make feel a bit 'sienz' and tarc always full of human being no matter at what place. So until 2day after a week at been there i only having my lunch at their canteen twice. Sometimes i rather stay hungry than going to the canteen. Is it i have change? Now i not really like crowded place and noise. Maybe i still not really mix well inside the college. But still got some happy thing tht i knew some new friends, 1 from seremban, 1 from kemaman n 1 from malacca. So now my lifestlye is college, college n work....

Still the same person but this time he seems like slimmer. Maybe got alot of pressure but is a good thing also coz can keep fit ma... haha...
But the feeling seems like changing he looks like have alot of problems although last time he also like tht but he seems like hiding himself from me. I also don't know why i have such of thinking but tht time he chat with on the phone i still very nervous and waiting for the next words he want to say but i know this is not right and i try to cover my feeling. But i very afraid tht something will happen on him coz his house got some 'unfirendly' thing inside his room. So i scare something bad will happen to him. May god bless him. Everytime this feeling appears in my heart i will always tell myself let it go but i just can't do tht. why i so 'fan jin' I hate myself from loving you....

为什么时间过的那么慢

今天才4月26日。。。真觉得时间过的很慢，真的是名副其实的度日如年。天啊！！！每一天呆在家里真的很闷。当一个人无聊之然而然就会开始胡思乱想，今天突然发觉了我不再生他的气了。也许我并不是那么的喜欢他吧。。。因为当另一个人的出现让我也把他放下了，但是我也发觉了我是一个很容易吃醋的人。我觉得我越来我不能过融入我的朋友的世界里，因此我们的距离也越来越远。有时候他们有活动也没有约我，也许他们觉得我很忙吧。。。但是我真很想问他们你们是不是已经忘记我了？要跟他们聊天也是很难。所以每一当我有这样的想法时，我都会对自己说“他们不是忘记了我，只是我们彼此都很忙，我们一定能找到机会的”有时候我会觉得很孤单很寂寞，这一种感觉我也只能收在我心里。

上个星期六是我离开了教堂一年多以后第一次回去，又紧张又害怕。我也发觉到当初的那种感觉意不在了，他们已经很少回去了，他们是不是不打算继续了吗？他们已放弃GB了吗？那我也是不是应该放弃呢？真的很矛盾。。。我知道可能我正在为我自己找借口。到底应不应该继续留在GB呢？有没有人能帮到我呢？救命啊！！！！

无聊的日子

现在才发现原来没有做工的日子真的很无聊。今天是我辞职的第四天，在家我觉得真的很无聊，没有东西我可以去做或者我懒惰去做吧。前几天有跟朋友逛街所以还好，今天呆在家看电视跟吃东西。我突然间好像迷失了方向。我到底该怎么办？

我到底怎么啦？

那天，我意想不到的人来找我。我看到他的那一杀哪我突然间觉得开心和兴奋,我真的没想到他们会来找我。那一种被我收起来的感觉又不受控制的释放出来了，想念他的感觉又出现了。他变了。。。可是那种感觉依然存在。跟他们聊了一下就要做工了，真得很不舍得。真的没错‘[你爱的人他不爱你]-那是一种痛苦’。也许这不算爱我想是喜欢或思念吧。。。‘思念是一种很玄的东西’。希望终有一天我能够真正的放下吧

现代的少女

现在的少女真的那么大胆跟开放吗？我公司来了一个新人叫J 小姐，她第一天开工我们就觉得她有一点的奇怪。她跟我说她的另外一个朋友说我同事A先生很帅，很想来我公司做工因为可以看帅哥。我也发现到当我们的话题有聊到A先生她都会咪咪嘴的笑。当我们放工后，她竟然sms A先生“我知道你一直看着我，我是跟你不可能的，我永远只当你是朋友和同事。希望你不会想太多”。“跟你开玩笑的啦。。。希望你不会误会，你永远都是我的朋友”。当A先生看到这封简讯时，他也傻眼了。过没多久，A先生收到了一通电话。对方竟然是J小姐的朋友L小姐。“J小姐跟你说我有了男朋友是吗？其实我没有。你有没有女朋友？你喜欢的女生是怎样的？其实我想交的男朋友就是像你这样”。A先生也傻眼了。。。现在的女生真的那么大胆吗？认识了一天就可以这去表白了。我只可以说厉害，我永远都学不到。我多么想我可以像她们这样向他们喜欢的人表白。我真的是喜欢上了他吗？我知道他不会喜欢上我的，我到现在也无法忘记他吗？

离别

终于到了离别的时间。虽然有很多的不舍得，但是人生就是如此。还记得上次为了骏的离开感到伤心，没想到这次到我了。我公司很多人说他们很舍不得我，但是没办法。我必须离开。坦白说如果不是我这班同事我早就辞职了。所以我很谢谢他们。其实我有想过我是不是应该放弃我的学业继续留下，但是我也很清楚这个老板不值得我为他卖命，所以我还是决定了离开。我心里充满了许多的不舍得。希望我会尽快地适应过来吧。其实除了这还有一样东西困扰我很长的时间了，我发现我对GB的热情不如从前了。我觉得我已经放弃了它，我是一个很不负责任的人。说好了要努力发展它但是我们又一个个地离开他，放弃他，抛下它不管。我一直觉得心里很沉重，我也不知道我想怎样。我该放弃还是继续呢？？？

review of year 2009

I think this year i grow a lot, pass through many incident. Start from a fresh SPM graduated don't know anything work in this company having a lot of new friends have many happiness but at the same time i think this year was the most tear from my eyes. These tear seems like i cannot control it from falling down. Gaps being wider between my friends and i. sometimes i rather continue working than go back home rest although i sick and all my mind also fill with money. But i want to thanks my colleague because of them i know how to dressed up myself (although not so pretty but better than last time) Sometimes i have a thinking that i wanna give up my study and continue working but at the end i don't do that. Maybe i think if i continue back my study i will having back all my friends (i also don't whether this is right or wrong) BUt this year my life except working also working no life at all. This year new year eve is the most lonely eve that i go through because no friends around me except my colleague.

Until the beginning of the first day of 2010 i feel that, that day was a worse day for me. overslept and late to my work then work 10 hrs non stop and feel very tired at night no ones fetch me home and i walked for 1/2 hrs to reach home no food me me at night. Someone will left me and when time that he told me that i cannot looked him for the last time before he go i really no mood to continue working and tear almost fall down from my eyes. i really 不舍得 him but what can i do? The words that i want to tell i already i say but hope also. 2day when edwin say something that remind to him tears finally can't control and fell down. So what can i do?????