Yesterday night i was can sleep without dreaming. Such a good thing that long time never tried. Maybe after i express out my feeling and all my stress suddenly gone. But i don't know whether the decision i do is it correct. The thing i can do is just let it 'sun ke ji yin' and don't about it. So i want to thank him for listening to me and i appreciate it.....
Today i finally go to see a movie that i want to see, High School Musical 3. It was so nice and i hope that my high school also can be like that. But my high school life is nearly end, if continue will be 'old school' jor... haha... One scene in that movie i feel very touching is when Troy go to University of Stamford find Gabriella and they dance at there. I feel very touching and i wonder if my ' mei loi bf' do that to i will sure very touching. Just dream only lah.....
Although many people say this movie not nice but i like it lah...
Inside that movie i can know not only love, but also friendship, family and career.....
So maybe now i should start to think about my future and have some plan. One plan was not enough must have back up plan.......
That why i always agree a idiom 'life is just like a movie'
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
18/11/2008
Today is my add maths and moral paper, after this two paper i can rest about 12 days. What a good feeling i have...... many people ask me whether i ok or not in my exam, i just answer them ok. Actually i not ok at all... I just don't want other people worried about me and also lie myself that i very ok.... I very hate myself...... Why i cannot answer all the question? I do all that before, and the tips that i get also very correct. But why i cannot answer all that question? I cannot concentrate on my study this few week. Actually i want tell sook ching anout my story but seems everyone also busy for their study so at last i also didn't tell her. There is something that i can tell sook ching only because i always tell about my story so she know what happened to me. So actually i very san fu this few weeks.......
Hope SPM can pass faster.........
Hope SPM can pass faster.........
Thursday, November 13, 2008
13/11/2008
Today very happy because my 'kai ma' still remember me although we didn't see each other for so many years.... actually she is my primary school teacher she become my 'kai ma' because of the standard six program which all teacher will have 2 'kai lui', so she become my kai ma' jor....
Today morning when i go to school pass by my primary school, when she and another teacher pass by she called me. At the moment she called me i was shocked, she still remember me....haha!!!
Then she ask me how was my situation now? what form? Then we say goodbye and i walk to my school.
Today can relax a bit because only mathematics paper, so after school my friends ( fion, sook ching, poh yen, wan shen and wan shen sis) and go play badminton at pudu plaza. Fion fetch us go there.
on the journey to go there, we almost meet accident. Fion's car hit the roadside. Luckily her car was high enough and there nothing serious happened to her car. Then when we reach there we started our game.... Don't know why today very weird. Play until half way suddenly i feel want to faint and sook ching tell me my face very red, then my heart pumped very fast. Maybe not enough sleep gua... When we finished fion fetch us go home. Then second accident almost happened, fion almost hit the Fedex van. So the conclusion is today journey is extremely dangerous. haha.....
Today morning when i go to school pass by my primary school, when she and another teacher pass by she called me. At the moment she called me i was shocked, she still remember me....haha!!!
Then she ask me how was my situation now? what form? Then we say goodbye and i walk to my school.
Today can relax a bit because only mathematics paper, so after school my friends ( fion, sook ching, poh yen, wan shen and wan shen sis) and go play badminton at pudu plaza. Fion fetch us go there.
on the journey to go there, we almost meet accident. Fion's car hit the roadside. Luckily her car was high enough and there nothing serious happened to her car. Then when we reach there we started our game.... Don't know why today very weird. Play until half way suddenly i feel want to faint and sook ching tell me my face very red, then my heart pumped very fast. Maybe not enough sleep gua... When we finished fion fetch us go home. Then second accident almost happened, fion almost hit the Fedex van. So the conclusion is today journey is extremely dangerous. haha.....
Monday, November 10, 2008
10/11/2008
A day before SPM.....
How should i describe my feeling now?
Nervous, scare, cool or...... actually i also don't know... haha
Maybe is all the feeling combine together gua.....
Tomorrow is a very important day to me i think i will not forget in this few years.....
So MAY GOD BLESS ME not only for me....( for all SPM students and STPM student) and not forget my brother whose will face a super hard exam. MAY GOD BLESS THEM.....
We must do our best.
GAMBATTE!!! GAMBATTE!!!
JIA YOU!!! JIA YOU!!!
How should i describe my feeling now?
Nervous, scare, cool or...... actually i also don't know... haha
Maybe is all the feeling combine together gua.....
Tomorrow is a very important day to me i think i will not forget in this few years.....
So MAY GOD BLESS ME not only for me....( for all SPM students and STPM student) and not forget my brother whose will face a super hard exam. MAY GOD BLESS THEM.....
We must do our best.
GAMBATTE!!! GAMBATTE!!!
JIA YOU!!! JIA YOU!!!
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
5/11/2008
Today is a good day although it rain.
Today also is my SPBT farewell day. Finally i can retired jor.....
At the middle of my school day i regret that today i go to school, because i been force doing something that i don't want to do. By my teacher... haiz.... y this type of conflict happen on me again?
Actually this teacher do this type of thing to me last year. She hurt me so bad at that time.....
From the beginning i very respect her but until last i started hate her.......
I seldom cry for a teacher but last year i cry for her, in the same event.....
I don't know she can't care about other people feeling and don't just think about herself....
Not only me almost all the members the club was not like her....
I don't like being forced by other people but i also don't want to hurt her.....
What should i do leh?????
May God will bless me and give me some guide to solve this problem....
Luckily this is the last time i have some business with her. After this week i have no time to see her.....
Today also is my SPBT farewell day. Finally i can retired jor.....
At the middle of my school day i regret that today i go to school, because i been force doing something that i don't want to do. By my teacher... haiz.... y this type of conflict happen on me again?
Actually this teacher do this type of thing to me last year. She hurt me so bad at that time.....
From the beginning i very respect her but until last i started hate her.......
I seldom cry for a teacher but last year i cry for her, in the same event.....
I don't know she can't care about other people feeling and don't just think about herself....
Not only me almost all the members the club was not like her....
I don't like being forced by other people but i also don't want to hurt her.....
What should i do leh?????
May God will bless me and give me some guide to solve this problem....
Luckily this is the last time i have some business with her. After this week i have no time to see her.....
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
4/11/2008
Actually today nothing special with me....
Today almost whole day also doing revision.... but do u believe me? hehe.....
At evening my brother ask me about present to give to his mum birthday. Hearing that i got a for myself... actually how long i didn't prepare birthday present or anniversary present for my parent?
i also not remember it. Actually got lah. In this year i got treat my mum a dinner during her birthday and a cake for her during mother's day, a hand make frame for my father during father's day. But i never try to make something special for them( as i do for my friend). After listen to my brother story, i felt that i'm not a good daughter. I always ask what people can do for me but i never ask myself what can i do for my family. I think i should appreciate them before its too late.
I don't want do something that i will regret in the rest of my life.
So maybe i will do something to them on their next birthday...... Hope i can successfullly do it!!!!
Today almost whole day also doing revision.... but do u believe me? hehe.....
At evening my brother ask me about present to give to his mum birthday. Hearing that i got a for myself... actually how long i didn't prepare birthday present or anniversary present for my parent?
i also not remember it. Actually got lah. In this year i got treat my mum a dinner during her birthday and a cake for her during mother's day, a hand make frame for my father during father's day. But i never try to make something special for them( as i do for my friend). After listen to my brother story, i felt that i'm not a good daughter. I always ask what people can do for me but i never ask myself what can i do for my family. I think i should appreciate them before its too late.
I don't want do something that i will regret in the rest of my life.
So maybe i will do something to them on their next birthday...... Hope i can successfullly do it!!!!
Monday, November 3, 2008
2/11/2008
This is my first post in this blog......
This few days don't know y can't sleep better at night, maybe SPM fever....
always having about weird weird dreams. On last sunday, when i wake up i cry non stop....
Don't know y i can't control my tears from falling down...
That whole day i have no mood to do revision...trying to calm down myself.i was tried to hide my feeling from my family, don't want let them know.
This morning i awake by a dream that i not wish to have. I dreamed about my grandma during her funeral ceremony.... After i awake i do not dare to sleep back, i afraid if i sleep back i will dream it again...Today have something stimulus me thinking back of my childhood story...
This few days don't know y can't sleep better at night, maybe SPM fever....
always having about weird weird dreams. On last sunday, when i wake up i cry non stop....
Don't know y i can't control my tears from falling down...
That whole day i have no mood to do revision...trying to calm down myself.i was tried to hide my feeling from my family, don't want let them know.
This morning i awake by a dream that i not wish to have. I dreamed about my grandma during her funeral ceremony.... After i awake i do not dare to sleep back, i afraid if i sleep back i will dream it again...Today have something stimulus me thinking back of my childhood story...
Actually when i still a child i dislike my parent, they seldom care about me.
Everytime i fall sick only a person who will take care of me of whole night, my grandma.
Lets talk about my father, he is a man that i not familiar with him although he is my father.
I still remember when i still in primary school, i always hoping that my father come back every night. Since he working at other place when i was small....
but from hoping until sometimes i will bet with brother how many percentage my father will come back? although he had promise us....
After many many time he 'lies' to us i have give up....
Until now i was pretended to be a good daughter when everytime he come back, just don't want let him worried... I understand that he also don't want to become like that, but i just can't control my feeling.
Since i was a child i was trained to tell lies. Everytime when got people want to find my father i need to tell them he not lived in my house. when got people on the phone ask me am i his daughter, i need to say NO!!!! he just my mum friends.... long time ago i still wondering should i say like that? But now i had no feeling when i say that sentences "he is just my friend"
Every years my birthday arrived, i always hope that my father can celebrate with me.
But due to my memory non once he celebrate with me even a wish.....
I know i can't let my mum know this thing because if she know it she will very sad....
Lets talk about my mum, she a very hardworking woman like my grandma.
But when i small i not so like her because i think she didnt bother me.
I still remember when i sick is my grandma take care of me not my mother.
But when brother fall sick is she take care of him so sometimes i was jealous my brother....
But now when i grow older and older i understand her situation......
Actually now i try to control my emotion to prevent the tears falling down.
My childhood is very simple life, seldom went out with my family. Actually i had forgotten how many time that i going for a trip with my family because it is too little.
The that i remember is going back to my grandma kampung to meet with my uncles and aunties.
Every year i will went bak to my grandma kampung for two months, that time is my happiest in the whole year....
But my life have change in the year 2003, I still remember that day 24 May. God have take my grandma away from me.
I still remember a month before she left us, she was very sick. In a accident she fall down then she can't walk already from that falling. Then my mum have to take care of her.
Sometimes when she want help her to do thing i was trying to ignore it.
Until a week before she left me, she ws admitted to hospital. My family member need to take turn to take care of her....
That time i was facing diagnostic exam for my UPSR, then i have no time to see her.
I still remember my last paper is Seni, that day my brother went to see her. Because of my exam i can't go, but my father had promise me to fetch go hospital to see her.
I was very happy that night, because i know that she will leave us soon since i saw the funeral shop name card in my living room...
The next day i was wake up very early because can't waiting to see her...
My fahter promise me will come home fetch me about 11 something.
But i received his call at about 10 something i knew that bad thing was happened.
He call me wait at home and my small aunty will come i know that my grandma had left us...
At that moment i can't control the tears falling from my eyes...
The house only left me at that time. Then my aunty come and stay with at that time.
Everytime when i wanted to cry i sure go to toilet cry and don't let my aunty know it....
Finally when i want go to toilet my aunty call me don't go if want to cry just cry......
At that moment i cry as loud as i can, my aunty tell me when my mum come back don't cry because if i cry my mum will continue to be sad....
Then when my grandma 'come back' at the rukun tetangga, i really can't control my tears
But that 2 night i cannot 'sao song' due to my 'big aunty' is comingand my stomach not feeling well. So my family call me go back sleep.....
The last day when my grandma need to kuari, i really can't cry out. At that time i got one thinking ' y i can't cry?
But when the moment my grandma really need to leave me then my tears starting fall...
During that time i really facing a big problem because i can't forgive myself because didn't see my grandma for the last time......
Another way i need to faced my UPSR exam.... That time i was hard to overcome this.....
Until now i still remember that time....
Everytime i fall sick only a person who will take care of me of whole night, my grandma.
Lets talk about my father, he is a man that i not familiar with him although he is my father.
I still remember when i still in primary school, i always hoping that my father come back every night. Since he working at other place when i was small....
but from hoping until sometimes i will bet with brother how many percentage my father will come back? although he had promise us....
After many many time he 'lies' to us i have give up....
Until now i was pretended to be a good daughter when everytime he come back, just don't want let him worried... I understand that he also don't want to become like that, but i just can't control my feeling.
Since i was a child i was trained to tell lies. Everytime when got people want to find my father i need to tell them he not lived in my house. when got people on the phone ask me am i his daughter, i need to say NO!!!! he just my mum friends.... long time ago i still wondering should i say like that? But now i had no feeling when i say that sentences "he is just my friend"
Every years my birthday arrived, i always hope that my father can celebrate with me.
But due to my memory non once he celebrate with me even a wish.....
I know i can't let my mum know this thing because if she know it she will very sad....
Lets talk about my mum, she a very hardworking woman like my grandma.
But when i small i not so like her because i think she didnt bother me.
I still remember when i sick is my grandma take care of me not my mother.
But when brother fall sick is she take care of him so sometimes i was jealous my brother....
But now when i grow older and older i understand her situation......
Actually now i try to control my emotion to prevent the tears falling down.
My childhood is very simple life, seldom went out with my family. Actually i had forgotten how many time that i going for a trip with my family because it is too little.
The that i remember is going back to my grandma kampung to meet with my uncles and aunties.
Every year i will went bak to my grandma kampung for two months, that time is my happiest in the whole year....
But my life have change in the year 2003, I still remember that day 24 May. God have take my grandma away from me.
I still remember a month before she left us, she was very sick. In a accident she fall down then she can't walk already from that falling. Then my mum have to take care of her.
Sometimes when she want help her to do thing i was trying to ignore it.
Until a week before she left me, she ws admitted to hospital. My family member need to take turn to take care of her....
That time i was facing diagnostic exam for my UPSR, then i have no time to see her.
I still remember my last paper is Seni, that day my brother went to see her. Because of my exam i can't go, but my father had promise me to fetch go hospital to see her.
I was very happy that night, because i know that she will leave us soon since i saw the funeral shop name card in my living room...
The next day i was wake up very early because can't waiting to see her...
My fahter promise me will come home fetch me about 11 something.
But i received his call at about 10 something i knew that bad thing was happened.
He call me wait at home and my small aunty will come i know that my grandma had left us...
At that moment i can't control the tears falling from my eyes...
The house only left me at that time. Then my aunty come and stay with at that time.
Everytime when i wanted to cry i sure go to toilet cry and don't let my aunty know it....
Finally when i want go to toilet my aunty call me don't go if want to cry just cry......
At that moment i cry as loud as i can, my aunty tell me when my mum come back don't cry because if i cry my mum will continue to be sad....
Then when my grandma 'come back' at the rukun tetangga, i really can't control my tears
But that 2 night i cannot 'sao song' due to my 'big aunty' is comingand my stomach not feeling well. So my family call me go back sleep.....
The last day when my grandma need to kuari, i really can't cry out. At that time i got one thinking ' y i can't cry?
But when the moment my grandma really need to leave me then my tears starting fall...
During that time i really facing a big problem because i can't forgive myself because didn't see my grandma for the last time......
Another way i need to faced my UPSR exam.... That time i was hard to overcome this.....
Until now i still remember that time....
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