如果一切都没变哪有多好。。。

‘如果一切都没变哪有多好’。我想应该有许多人都讲过着一句话，但凡事都身不由己。这一路来我发觉我一变了，变得复杂，笑容少了，眼泪多了。突然非常想念以前的生活，念中学的时候。那时的我没那么的复杂，想的是面对的人，事，物也比较简单。这几个月我的心情不知道为什么变得起伏很大，有时会很开心，但有时情绪会变得很低落。

22/2/2009

Today i very bad luck,when went to work i got a feel that today i will break glasses at my shop. Is really come true. Today when i deliver a tray of drinks from bar to upstairs with my dinner an accident happened. When i walked to upstairs is already imbalance the drinks once i reach the table i put down the tray a sound 'plang' all of the drinks fall down and i stunted. Luckily one of my colleague came to help me. That time my mind was blank and my captain and my colleague was helping me too. I can't remember how many glasses that i break. That time i really want to cry out but i can hold my tear from falling and my mood was absolutely down. Then the bar captain coming upstairs and confirm with me the amount of glasses that i break. He tell me that i need to pay RM60 something. OH MY GOD!!!!!RM60 my three days salary. Then one of my colleague tell me that i didnt break so many glasses because he got help me take some of glasses to the bar for washing and redoing proccess. Haiz....... How could this happened?
Then when after my work i go home and online as usual i got chat with him. Suddenly i got a thinking that i want to tell him my feeling, then i tell him that i love him before. Once i tell him that means i not love him anymore, because if i still love him i won't tell him and keep this feeling in my heart. After telling him i feel myself free and don't have that not comfortable feeling. Maybe this is a good solution for me. He will always is my 'hou heng dai'.....

14/2/2009

Today is a very special day but not for me. Although i don't know why Feb 14 is valentine day but today my shop damn many people. Valentine day shouldn't have so many people if me i will stay at home with my boyfriend and cook for him (if i got lah). Then suddenly i think about him. I cannot control myself to think about him although i always tell myself to forget hm. I now always avoid myself from meet him and have a chat with him. I know that he already have a girlfriend so i shouldn't damage their relationship and become the third party. I finally fall sick after all my colleague sick, so cham cough until my lungs want to come out jor.... yesterday i finally cannot tahan so i take half day leave come home rest. Hope that i can have a good health and he also have a good health and always be happy with his girlfriend......
To be continue......

16/1/2009

Today is quite tiring because now is working at times square and today suddenly two of my colleague was sick and our shop was not enough people. I was not very happy because at my working place i been doing some extra jobs and it doesnt matter i take it as an experience of my working life. But today when i sending the ktchen order i been scold by some people because of sending some food that had finished but i didn't knew that food was finish. So i got a bit frustrating. But after a while i am ok already. Tonight i was going back home late because of some customer haven't leave, it was already 10pm the customer still don't want to leave so i also cannot leave due to i am a full time worker and one of the full time worker went home with the reason catch buses. So only me and two of my colleague staying back and waiting the customer. I need to thanks to my part time colleague for waiting me. Because he can leave on time and he wait me until 10 sumting. Just now when i checking my mail and friendster, i saw a comment from a person that saying that she don't want find me although we are so near because of sometimes i will say some 'bad words' or 'F' words. Actually this comment really hurt me... i know is good to tell me but.... it really hurts me. But due to my working surrounding , so everyday i also surround by this 'bad words' and i learn some of them and i seldom said it out except i really very angry or frustrating. From this comment i really scared that i will lost my friends due to my work because now i very seldom meet with them and seldom chat with them. Actually i feel very lonely at my working place because i still cannot really mixed with my colleague. When everytime got friends come and visit me i feel very touching and want to cry. From that comment i know that i must control myself otherwise i will lost my friends. Iwill try it , i promise.